Checking in | Current Thoughts.

My official 2020 birthday photo. 

I'm having one of those day when you spend the whole time teetering on some weird line of binary thoughts of ‘I’m over it eff this shit’ and ‘hmn I think I feel a shift in my mind, I’ve reached the absolute pits and I want out NOW. Wow hmn’.

I’m not sure what to do with those feelings, so I’m just letting them be, like I do all uncomfortable things, such as wearing wigs and looking decent in them like EVERY OTHER WOMAN apparently can. 
Or the big one; actually earning a living (through legal and dignified means anyway).

Ah, money. After many many years of tears, dreams and hardwork, it still eludes me. This is not about to be a pity-party (though you will feel my pain) but guys, I’ve truly hit rock-bottom and I cannot see a way out from here, le me be honest. But I have to keep faith, right? When will it be over? Will it ever be over?

It was my birthday last Thursday (34th! omgwheredidthetimegoooo) and like a perfectly-socially-conditioned weakling, I fell into the trap of regret and harsh introspection, where the blows of my many failures punched me repeatedly in the gut all day long. And boy are the failures many.

My saving grace was my predetermination to kill myself with obscene amounts of ice-cream cake from ColdStone on said birthday. So I got my cake, enjoyed it along with some delicious Ajoke rice &chicken plus fish from Tastee Fried Chicken with my friends and even got some gifts too, which was quite lovely and I'm thankful.
In order words, I saved my birthday by just pre-deciding what I want and keeping it as non-negotiable. What a concept. Should I try to apply this trick to other areas of my life? E be like.

I’m not an optimistic person at all so this ‘manifesting’ thing will be a struggle but I want and need to save my whole life quickly. Expeditiously.

As for changes, I sincerely just want to do better going forward. Career wise, I have more or less consolidated on the paths I want to settle in asap; media production, particularly photography and film editing, and fashion/beauty business. I have started these journeys already but I just need to start seeing results already, because I’m getting tired!

I'd also like to get a new hobby. I'm yet to decide what it'll be but I know I want it to be fun, easy, mentally stimulating but soothing, and potentially life-changing. 
Tall order right? Hobby >>> therapy.

Also, I’ve been having a strong urge to take content for my own blog here more seriously. Instagram and other social media has not worked out for me, except for my YouTube which is looking up. I’ve even gotten 5k views on one particular video! It’s my 1st hair relaxer video and was quite fun to film (watch it here and SUBSCRIBE while you're there please). 

I just feel like there are probably going to be problems with some of our more popular social media platforms, any day now. The ever crazy algorithms and programing are killing these platforms. New additions like TikTok, Clubhouse, Fleet on Twitter, etc, will also most likely stir some chaos in the coming future.
My goodness I sound like some Tech Crunch/Tech-bro hybrid right now so I’m stopping, sorry. 
In summary, I should blog more here where I have (more) control.

Oddly, I’ve been thinking of also posting some of my photography and film work here, integrating that part of my work with this one.
I had opened a wordpress site for my photography/film work but just never posted anything there, and I have the option of just maintaining my portfolio on a page of this blog. 

Or should I keep it separate and just keep the content here to minimalist style and beauty? 
Do let me know what you think in the comments.

Re: love and relationship, hmn watch this space..😜

That’s it from me guys. I hate that I’ve neglected writing here but I have had the best time writing and reading this not-so-short ‘check-in’ note.

Next we’ll be back to regular programing for style, beauty and minimalism!

Thank you.

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